BOSTON (RPT) - As universities and colleges tell students not to return to campus after Spring Break because of the COVID19 pandemic, Professors have been celebrating the beginning of what they hope will be an indefinite period of time without students on campus which they have termed ‘Infinite Spring Break.’ “I might actually get to finish the revisions on that paper I have had under review for 2 years,” one professor told RPT, “this is going to be fuckin’ lit.”
“Finally, universities will be able to be what they really should be: places for professors to sit around by themselves writing papers nobody will read,” a tenured professor at an elite University told RPT, “without students around to distract us, we’ll be able to make so much more progress on questions of little significance that almost nobody cares about.”
Students are not as excited about the so-called ‘Infinite Spring Break’ as their professors are. “I didn’t realize how much my professors hated all of us students until I saw them jumping up and down and hooting in the faculty lounge when the news came out that we students weren’t going to be invited back to campus after Spring Break,” a Junior at this same elite University told RPT. He continued, “they even broke out the champagne and whiskey and started singing Auld Lang Syne. I don’t even know what that fucking song means.”
