BREAKING (RPT) – Reverse Psychology Today has assembled a list of 5 crazy tricks based on decades of research in psychology that are guaranteed to help you survive and thrive during the COVID19 outbreak. This list of superficial and mostly meaningless advice was compiled to give you a false sense of security during this time of uncertainty.
1. You may feel the need to buy excessive amounts of toilet paper because you see other people doing so. Don’t fall prey to conformity. Don’t buy excessive amounts of toilet paper because everyone else is doing so, do it because you ate Indian food last night.
2. People are less likely to behave immorally if they believe that they are being watched. Always make sure to make prolonged, awkward eye contact with your fellow bathroom patrons to increase the likelihood that they’ll wash their hands.
3. Avoid people wearing face masks. Wearing face masks may lead to deindividuation, increasing the probability that those in masks will commit moral violations, like buying up all of the face masks. This is especially true if the person is wearing a goalie mask; that is Jason Voorhees.
4. Young children may not have a fully developed moral compass. If you appear vulnerable, they will lull you to sleep with Frozen 2 and steal the food you’ve been saving up ahead of the pandemic. You may be able to repel them with small white rats or related stimuli paired with a loud sound.
5. Keep your spirits up by playing the COVID19 drinking game. The way you play is to drink nothing but straight liquor because there’s no more water left at the grocery store.
